I’ll try to be more, just like all of you
Deleting the past is like deleting pieces of oneself. Sure forgetting it makes one happier, freer but what is the point of living it if we don’t keep pieces of it with us? I cherish memories, oftentimes things end up bad. But I do cherish the experience I got to get through.
It takes a lot of bravery to be able to let go of the pain, and even if I consider myself brave enough in most cases, I still didn’t get a hold of that kind of bravery. Maybe what I need is not bravery per se but an understanding. Not an understanding of the past but a wiseness that will allow me to float above all that there was.
They say pain makes us learn things. It is a great teacher if we let it teach us what it was supposed to. And then that question pops out: Isn’t there a way around it? Will we just keep on learning throughout this life and thus keep on suffering? And then the question that always follows it: Then what about happiness in all of this? Is it an illusion? Did we come here to just learn and suffer? Or do I just still don’t understand the concept of happiness and it’s above my comprehension?
Everything I am living and am saying was said before, sometimes I think that there’s no point in saying it anymore. I am here like many people were, before me, all wondering about the whys and if this life is worthwhile, all hanging on to a hope that just seems so far sometimes, all dreaming with what they still have got of magic if there is any left, trying to not give up on their younger selves.
It takes much bravery to let go of the pain, to feel it, and then say goodbye. And maybe let it stay for a while, but not too long, without letting it eat up your soul.
All of us keep on acting like everything is okay when there is so much going on inside, we’re always trying to protect ourselves to not get hurt again. I will not judge that, that is human. The most human we can be to not want to be hurt again by what caused us so much pain. We all deserve so much love but we all are broken in so many ways, we all are broken and are trying in our twisted ways to fix ourselves and not feel the pain. This is not judging or saying what should and shouldn’t be. This is a mere observation of what is there and what was there all along. How human we all are and how messed up we can all feel.
Right now I want to be Love but I can’t so I’ll try to be Peace and I’ll try to be Truth and I’ll try to be more, just like all of you.
-Zeineb Jomaa
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